


you drive me crazier

by strawberryfire



Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: Fluff, Love Confessions, M/M, byler, honestly idk what to tag this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-01
Updated: 2019-09-01
Packaged: 2020-10-04 19:35:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,122
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20476385
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/strawberryfire/pseuds/strawberryfire
Summary: you lift my feet off the ground,you spin me aroundyou make me crazier, crazier, crazier





	you drive me crazier

**Author's Note:**

> listen i wrote this at 3 fucking am and idk if it’s even that good. tbh might be going crazy with byler 🤪🤪
> 
> also yes i write everything in lowercase and i’m really sorry if that bothers u, i just don’t like uppercase shit. let my try hard poet ass be.

_starcourt mall, july 1985_

it was so loud.   
all. so. _loud_.

i was sat behind some car, knees to my chest, hands over my ears. i just needed it to all go away, why couldn’t it go away? why couldn’t everything be normal? i kept telling myself to think of the ‘good days’ (whatever that meant) but my mind kept snapping back to the reality that was now; which was all of us basically looking death straight in the eyes.

worst of all, i was alone. curled up behind a car, shaking and trying not to think of what was happening around me. there was no where else for me to go because i’ve learned that there is no safe place for me in hawkins anymore. castle byers, my own house, the roads we used to bike on, the school, the fields, the pool, and mike fucking wheeler’s basement. all of that was one big anxiety filled nightmare.

none of it made me feel okay and the one that hurt the most was mike wheeler’s basement, with d&d on the table. because mike didn’t care anymore. he was ‘growing up’. what is that even supposed to mean? i know we all grow up, but why now? why not later? why can’t he realize that i have depended on him ever since the first time all this shit happened? he was there, always. at the hospital, the night they got the mind flayer out of me, halloween night when we were trick or treating, at the arcade, at the field behind the school.

mike. _my_ mike. my best friend. but now what’s even the point of trying? because my best friend, my mike, if he even is that anymore, would be right beside me behind this car, his arms around me. but he’s not. he’s beside el, holding her. not even _looking_ at me.

the screeching of whatever that monster is gets louder and louder and _louder_.

i look across from me and i see scoops. the door going into the back behind the counter is open, which means i could get to the halls that we normally took to sneak into movies. maybe it would be quieter there, just maybe.

running on pure adrenaline and a bad type of anxiety that makes me want to scream, i just book it. i run as fast as my legs can take me, slamming the scoops door behind me and into the halls behind it. panting, i slide down the wall and the tears i had been holding in come out all at once. i couldn’t breathe, my chest was so tight and everything was spinning.

i pull at my hair, my sobs echoing in the empty hallway. if only i could shut my mind up. i hated this because i was so sick of being so damn _fragile_. i wanted to grow up too, i want to suck it all up and move on. but i physically, emotionally, _mentally_ can’t. because nothing was ever normal and everything that happened Before seems like a goddamn fever dream.

and i think about how different it would have been. sure, i like el. i do. she’s nice and she’s a badass. she’s also been through a lot more than i have and i understand why she attaches herself to mike. but why did mike have to get attached to her? if she never came along, would he still be like this? was this his way of coping with everything? maybe.

i hear footsteps and a voice, “will!”

it was mike.

i try to calm myself down, to just act like everything is okay but it isn’t.

mike runs in and leans down in front of me, “will hey, hey it’s okay.”

“n-no it’s not.” i choke out through the sobs that would not stop.

i couldn’t help but think of this shitty book we had to read over the summer last year. it was a f. scott fitzgerald book called this side of paradise. i don’t remember any of it beside this one quote that said, ‘_i’m a slave to my emotions, to my likes, to my hatred of boredom, to most of my desires.’ _

  
and honestly, that one sentence was repeating in my head constantly. i couldn’t stand to be alone, couldn’t control my longing for mike wheeler and for his attention. i was truly loosing myself over a boy that i think i love. i say _think_ because i have no idea what love is and what it’s supposed to be. is love mike wheeler? maybe.

“that thing, whatever it is. it’s dying. i think it’ll be over soon. just breathe, okay?” mike says, his hands on my shoulders.

“okay.” is all i can get out.

he doesn’t say anything more and sits beside me as i slowly stop crying. sure, the tears had stopped but my thoughts hadn’t. i felt like a livewire, everything in my body was on fire and i was certain mike could hear my heart beating out of my chest. i wanted to just put my head on his shoulder, to hold his hand.

he said crazy _together_. that if i was crazy, so was he. but he isn’t. he’s normal, he’s just as sane and sensible as everyone else.

but naturally, i can’t be reasonable because i, unlike mike, am literally a basket case.

growing up was what made mike so levelheaded. he didn’t want to worry about anything so he didn’t. his only concern was el. it wasn’t d&d anymore, it wasn’t his mom telling us to go to sleep at 2am when we had been playing for 10 hours, or us being late to school because we couldn’t ride our bikes fast enough. his worry wasn’t _me_ anymore.

i just now realize that it is quieter in the hall. i can still hear everything, but it’s muted. like i’m in my own head and everything else is just…going on without me.

“you okay?” mike asks.

“sure.”

he laughs a little and messes with his watch.

“you scared me, y’know.”

“i’m sorry, it was loud. and scary.”

he nods, “i know. it’s alright.”

i wanted to say it. to swallow my pride and ask him if what we used to have was special to him like it is to me. but whatever we were, it was just a friendship. one that was unbreakable until it was broken.

he lets out a deep sigh and leans his head back against the wall, “i fucked up, will.”

i put my head on my knees and turn towards him, “how?” even though i already know how.

“just everything. i’ve messed up the party. i’ve messed up with you. i’ve messed up literally everything.”

i don’t know how to reply so i don’t.

“it’s funny. that if something goes wrong with el and i try to convince her it’s alright, i can’t talk. it’s like my tongue and my mouth just stop working. but if i mess up something with you, i can talk fine.”

“girls just make you nervous.”

he sighs again, “yeah. i guess.”

if he was trying to get me to read between the lines, i was definitely going to ignore it.

after a few minutes of silence between us, the screaming monster and fireworks exploding only steps away behind the walls, mike moves to sit in front of me.

he crosses his legs and puts his hands on top of mine.

i lift my head up, just enough to see his face. his eyes are glossy, like he’s about to cry.

“i’m really sorry, will.”

“for?”

“this whole summer. i wish i could go back and start it over. i feel like…i’m so far apart from you.

thinking about it, it was funny that mike didn’t know how to function or talk to el at all. i mean, he did, but he doesn’t know how to be serious with her. mostly because it’s difficult for her to understand some things.

“it’s okay, mike. damage is already done.”

he puts his head down on top of our hands and his voice gets quiet, “i just wish everything could go back to normal.”

“trust me, i do too…”

we sit like that in silence for a long while, but it’s really only a couple of minutes. time just doesn’t exist whenever it’s me and him. i remember sitting in castle byers with him and we’d read comic books until dusk and we would never realize how late it was until our mom’s or jonathan came running to get us. we’d play in the arcade until it closed or ride our bikes around until we could see the milky way.

“crazy together.” i hear mike whisper. “i’m _definitely_ crazy now.” he lifts his head up and our eyes meet, “are you?”

“for sure. i’m _way_ crazier than you.”

he gives a weak smile, “if you say so.”

listening to the muffled sounds from the fight going on, mike’s smile and sad eyes, his hands on mine, and the memories of Before; it all gets to be too much and i start crying again.

mike pulls me into his arms and cries with me. now i really want to know what’s going on in his head because mike wheeler never cries.

my head is on his shoulder and my heart is in his hands.

“i wish we could run away.” he says, voice tired. “i don’t know where. just away from here. get on our bikes, right now, and just go.”

i sniff and wipe away his tears, “we wouldn’t last a day, mike. and our mom’s would murder us.”

he smiles a little, “yeah, you’re right.”

“but yeah, i wanna run away too. this town gives me a headache.”

“tell me about it.”

there’s a few beats of silence.

“will?”

“yeah?”

“you were my first crush, yknow.”

my eyes widen and my heart screams, my entire face turning red.

“c-cool.” is what i say.

cool? really, will? jesus, this boy messes with my head too much.

he doesn’t say anything for a minute.

“i don’t really love el. i don’t even know what love is.”

“i love you.” i blurt out and immediately i coverup my mouth. god i was so fucking _stupid_. i squeeze my eyes shut and set my head back down onto my knees.

“i have something important to tell you.” mike says, gently lifting my head back up and moving my hand away.

“w-what?” i squeak out.

he gently cups my face then leans forward and oh my god he’s kissing me.

i’ve never kissed anyone before. this feels like fucking heaven. he tastes like chocolate and cherry coke. i never want to stop this, his touch is so _gentle_ and i didn’t know i wanted him this way until now.

he very slowly pulls away and looks into my eyes, “i love you too.”

“but…el…” he cuts me off with another kiss.

“don’t worry about her.”

i wrap my arms around him and he holds me to his chest. for the first time in a really, really long time, i felt _safe_. i felt okay. that maybe hawkins wasn’t such a headache and mike wheeler was still my safe place.

“you give good kisses.” mike says, his fingers running through my hair.

i tuck my head into his neck, “you do too.”

“you are the strongest boy i have ever known, will. seriously. i don’t know how you do it.”

i laugh a little, “i don’t either.”

the monster is silent now and so are the fireworks. i hear max hugging her brother, who’s crying and rambling on about being sorry. there’s a giant wave of relief and this invisible weight is lifted off everyone’s shoulders.

i put my arms around mike’s waist and my legs are all tangled up with his.

“lanky boy.” he giggles.

“uh, says youu. you’re taller than me.”

“that’s true. also, those shorts look so good on you, just show you know.”

i feel the blush creep back up on my cheeks, “i hate them, they’re hideous.”

he hums _nuh uh_ and presses a kiss to my forehead.

i close my eyes and just take in the silence. the only sound is our hearts beating together, our chests rising and falling at the same time.

he holds my hand and intertwines our fingers, “get some sleep, they’ll find us eventually.”

i nod and slowly drift off, his other hand rubbing my back.

and finally. _finally_. i felt at peace and i felt okay. and it wasn’t just a little bit.

it was an overwhelming and full feeling of being okay.

and my god, wasn’t it lovely.


End file.
